The wedding Day

Well, After the wedding day, I had so many mixed emotions that I thought it best to take a small break from blogging to ensure that I could blog calmly. Then by the next day, when I could have blogged calmly, life was crazy again. Payroll weeks keep me busy during the day. At night we've been trying to get things done like pictures etc. Well, we finally found ourselves with quiet time to be together and look at the wedding video etc for the first time since the wedding. Then we just decided to take the evening off and be together after the kids went to bed.

OK! Back to the wedding weekend. Until very recently, this entire semester James has had Christian virtually every free minute. He works days except Wednesday, when Christian is in school and Sunday. He has every weeknight except Wednesday and Friday. Well, Rachel said Friday was her fun night with Christian and wouldn't let James have him then. But James has been picking Christian up from school every Wednesday since I've known him and keeping him until Thursday morning when he went back to school. Saturdays on James' afternoon break, he always calls to double check with Louise and Buddy that they have Christian and remind him that he will be there @ 4pm. Then when James gets off off work on Saturday at 4, he picks him up from Buddy and Louise and keeps him until he goes to school on Monday. Literally the only free time that James has that he has not devoted to Christian is Friday nights and that is only because Rachel said she wants him then. We would love to him all weekend.

So, the first weekend that she said he couldn't have him on Saturdays, James went along because we wanted to pick our battles and it was more important to have him the next weekend for our wedding. We still had him on Sunday. This Saturday he called his mom on his afternoon break about picking up Christian, her phone went straight to voicemail more than once which tells me that she had her phone turned off. He called Buddy who's phone rang but went to voicemail early which tells me that he rejected the call; Rachel's phone just rang with no answer. Finally after James being persistent, Buddy answered and told him he'd left town with Christian. He told him we'd be up, drop him off when you get to town. Buddy was defiant and said "I'm not gonna do it". He then explained that Rachel dropped him off, he will be returned to Rachel. He said he'd be out of town until after 10:30, that is too late to be taking Christian out in the cold so we let it go for Saturday night. Sunday morning about 8ish we head to Rachel's condo to pick up Christian. James rang the bell twice. Christian is usually excited and bouncy when the doorbell rings, you can always hear him and he's usually the first to open the door. He didn't hear him and there was no answer at the door. He called Rachel as we were leaving and she answered the phone laughing. He asked her where Christian was, she said "well, he's not here." Finally, she said that he was at Louise and Buddy's house. So, we headed over there. As soon as James knocked on the door, there was a bustle in the house. Buddy ran into the bedroom and shut the door. I didn't see Christian but he must've been shutting him in the bedroom because it's hard to keep him away from the front door when anyone shows up and we never saw or heard him. They did say that he was there but we couldn't have him. Buddy came back out of the room soon and the first thing he said was Rachel's on her way. Then he started saying things like "Get off my porch, your trespassing (James has a key to their house) fat boy. Take your fat bitch and get out of here." He was being loud and obnoxious. There was no need for yelling or for the insults and language that he was using. I feel terrible because I know that wherever he was, Christian could hear what Buddy was yelling. It didn't appear that the bedroom door was locked because Buddy came out so quickly. It puts knots in my stomach to think about what he must've been thinking and what must they have told him to keep him from coming to the door. Because we knew it wasn't good for Christian to be hearing all the things Buddy was saying we did step off of the porch and out to the driveway. We then called the police because Buddy and Louise have no legal right to keep James away from his son. The problem is that Rachel arrived before the police did. With James and Rachel having equal rights, the police said that it was a civil matter and they could not do anything. Rachel has a warrant, we asked for them to help us by enforcing that. The female cop said "No, I'm not going to play the I'm not getting my way game." Ugh! It was terribly frustrating that all we wanted was his son to be in our wedding. We try to do things above board and deal directly and honestly with everyone. We haven't played the games, we haven't hidden the child, all we want is to see him and we can't seem to get any help. After Rachel arrived and before the police got there, Buddy came out and gave Rachel a business card, he told her all you have to do is tell them the name of your lawyer. It's such a sad thing to see a man's parents turn on him and even provide a lawyer for the ex-wife. After we left, I told James that I love him and I love Christian, he will be in my thoughts but I need to focus on the positive for the rest of the day. It was our wedding day and if we were miserable, they win. So, I suggested that we video tape the wedding with a message to Christian at the beginning so that he will know later that we love him and we did want him there and he will be able to see that his spot on the stage was open for him. (Because we have no idea what he's been told.) We even took his clothes to the wedding with us in case someone, anyone had a change of heart and brought him. Then we did our best to move on with our day. It took a few hours but our moods lightened as the clock ticked towards 6:30.

The wedding was great! We went in the morning (after the drama) to decorate. My mom and dad and Chris were all there to help. We left about 130ish to head home for lunch and showers. Robert met us at 4 and we headed back out to Goldsby. Time seemed to be creeping. It was so nice, we got the small fun wedding that we both wanted. We had time to visit with everyone, we even did the limbo. I had a bouquet of fresh flowers; Aunt Jana is our very own Martha Stewart so, she cut and wrapped it up with the floral tape and ribbons for me. We wore our Hawaiian clothes and flip flops. For my something old and something borrowed, mom let me wear my Granny's wedding ring, for my something new, I had my dress, blue was the flower in my hair and we taped a penny to my flip flop. Instead of unity candles, we had unity tiki torches. Jessica was beautiful. Jordan stayed in the back with Jana the Great. I just didn't trust her on the stage with the torches. Jessica wore a wrist lei and we attached the rings to that. James and I both had written our own vows to say in addition to what the pastor (my brother, Danny) had us say. In the video, it appears that James is wiping a tear at one point but I honestly couldn't say if he cried or not, I couldn't see anything for all of my own tears. I couldn't see the vows I'd written, I could barely speak to say what I could see. It was, at least for me, the best type of wedding, we had fun! While we were getting pics and eating cake, Jessica got to perform her two Christmas songs that she was supposed to sing at her Christmas program before it got cancelled due to weather. She did a great job! I was surprised by how well she took to being on stage with a microphone. Oklahoma Opry, here she comes! HA! When it was all over we went out to the car it was FULL of balloons. The seats, the floorboards, the trunk and where they couldn't fit balloons, there was crepe paper. They did a good job of keeping the shoe polish on the windows and off the paint. And for our wedding dinner when we got home... tacos from taco bell.. haha! I am so lucky to marry this man who shares my vision for our future and our family. He is a gentle, loving, intelligent, thoughtful, handsome, funny man who I love very much.

The next day, James called Rachel to let her know that because of the holiday rush at work, he has to work Wednesday but he is out of school all week so he'd like to have Christian as much as he can in the evenings. She said she'd call back after he got off of work. He gets off at 7, she called after 9. He asked when he could have Christian this week, she asked "Did you get married?" He said "yes" Then she asked if he'd gotten served yet. She wouldn't answer him when he asked "Served for what?" She sat in silence. It was clear that she didn't have any intentions of discussing letting him have Christian so, he went ahead and told her to have a good night and got off of the phone. It is Wednesday now and we haven't heard from her since.

We are looking into getting an attorney. I was able to find out yesterday that she filed to terminate joint custody and requested full custody on the 19th of this month. The day after we got married. So, far the only complaints she's voiced to us are that, 1) she doesn't like me, 2)she is mad that I spanked him, once, in September and 3) we put him to bed too early. I don't think that she can get custody because she doesn't like someone. Spanking isn't illegal, would she rather that he be allowed to jump off of furniture and run the risk of hurting himself, and the people who he lands on below and why did it take her 3 months to decide that he can't see his dad and she should file for custody, if that is her primary concern? And, we think she should put him to bed earlier, that is difference of opinion, not a danger to the child except that without enough rest he can't function properly at school.

I have high hopes that we have an excellent chance of winning in this case. James and I would love to have our family together full time but we weren't spiteful enough to try to take him away from her. Now that she's started this, we will do whatever it takes to bring Christian home with us where he belongs.